POETS day

Welcome gentle readers (both of you). You know ever since we put Google Analytics on the blog, we’ve been amazed to discover that we’re not just pissing idly out into the void as we long suspected. Hurrah!

So it’s Friday or POETS day (Piss Off Early Tomorrow’s Saturday) as it's fondly known in the slave mines where we hand over pieces of our soul on a daily basis and as you’ll no doubt gather from the brevity of today’s post, we’re already looking forward to sleeping through this afternoon’s tedious meeting, then getting outside of a swift pint and inside of a Mrs Spurt.

But one thing that occurred during this long lazy lunchtime is: what is it about Fridays? Why does no worthwhile sporting contest ever take place on a Friday? Is it because everyone is saving it up for a spurting weekend or did we miss that particular memo? Anyway. Discuss.

Or rather email, as in a frenzy of interactivity you can now email us at this handy address World of Spurt . Email us tips, topics, things to write about or perhaps even some goat p0rn. Just like Britain’s spurtingest tabloid, we love it (especially the goat pr0n).

Holy crap, Holyfield…

Boxing today and in what could well be the competitive eating rematch of the century, news from the Grauniad that boxing legend Evander Holyfield is considering a rematch with Mad ‘Mike’ Tyson.

Cast your mind back over a decade for it was as long ago as that, when Holyfield and Tyson clashed in an epic World Title rematch, which saw Mad Mike bite Holyfield not once, but twice, the second time removing a large chunk of Holyfield’s ear which he spat out onto the canvas.

The Real Deal becoming the Real Meal as referee Mills Lane famously observed.

The most notorious night from the world’s most notorious sport and it was a real low point for the Noble Art and the beginning of the end for Mad Mike as a credible pugilist.

It’s not often we’re the voice of reason here on World of Spurt, but c’mon guys. Tyson’s 41 and needs the money, Holyfield’s 45 and most certainly doesn’t (he was paid £17m for that ‘97 rematch, purportedly the single biggest sporting fee in history).

Holyfield may still yearn after a record fifth world title, but the truth is he’s past it and when he says of Tyson ‘I feel compassion for him’ it’s certainly easy to sympathise, given the vertiginous plummet of one of the greatest fighters the world’s ever seen.

Holyfield could do himself and indeed Tyson a favour by saying ‘no deal from the Real Deal’ rather than ‘I would if the money was right.’

Pot, kettle, Harbhajan, Hayden

More cricket hilarity today so adopt your campest tone and shout ‘bring me my handbag, for I must smite the foe'.

Yup Aussie bully boy Matthew Hayden is back in action again, issueing a piss poor dissing to India’s Harbhajan Singh following Sunday’s ongoing India Vs Aus spat part 457, where he called the off-spinner an ‘obnoxious weed’ in this Aussie radio interview.

Hardly the most stunning example of mental disintegration is it? Steve Waugh will no doubt be revolving in his coffin – (not that he’s dead, just a crap little pun for you cricket fans out there).

Besides, hello? Hayden labelling anyone obnoxious?

'Apparatus for producing steam to Boiling device, your looking a touch noirsh today!'

Looks like Hayden’ll be feeling a bit crook too (as we believe the Aussie parlance goes) as he’s been given an official reprimand by Cricket Aus.

"I maintain my innocence ... but I'm guilty as charged but I respect and accept the decision," said the Aussie opener, who’s clearly as adept at Doublethink as he is at swatting harmless medium-pacers into the stands.

Stupid Injuries of our Time part 1

In what's sure to be just the first of an ongoing and infinitely repeating series, World of Spurt takes a look at some of the dumbest injuries from around the spurting firmament.

And handily first is New Zealand all-rounder Jesse Ryder, who having recently helped the Black Caps to a One-Day win over England, decided to celebrate by what’s currently being reported as a ‘late-night bar incident’.

That’s ranks right up there alongside Janet Jackson’s Superbowl wardrobe malfunction as a masterpiece of understated reporting, Jesse Ryder apparently punched his fist through a glass toilet door, requiring minor surgery and ruling himself out of selection for the Test side.

Compounding his crime, the Kiwi opener then decided to also have a go at to the hospital staff who were binding up his injured paw. We’ve heard of biting the hand that feeds you, but this takes the veritable Garibaldi. S

Fondly remembered really dumb sporting injuries are yours to share in the comments below...

Great injuries of our time...

A cornucopia of spurt this weekend what with England holding off France at the Rugby and Spurs securing a minor triumph for new boss Juande Ramos in the Carling Cup.

But as always it’s a return to work on Monday morn to toil in the sport-less mines of our evil overlord paymasters. Strangely, there was little or no time this w/e for this particular spurter to actually catch much sport, but we never let such trifles - even for a moment - pause our non-stop flow of ill-informed analysis, comment and bile.

First up that Eduardo leg breaker. Ouch. Looks bloody painful and let’s hope he makes a full recovery soon. Naturally, of course this brought to mind the worst sports injuries of yore and discussions raged long and hard amongst us spurters.

However for my money the worst I’ve ever seen on TV or in the flesh was acclaimed Washington Redskins quarter back Joe Theismann. Sacked by the NY Giants linebackers Lawrence Taylor and Harry Carson, if you can watch this classic YouTuber without wincing and feeling nauseous then Jesus, you’re a better man (or lady) than us.

Oh and here's the interactive bit... It's good to share - spurt your own worst sporting injuries via that handy comment section below.

Zero tolerance for sledging? F*ck that you f*ckers...

To that most historic of all cricketing locations erm Dubai, where following a proposal by the Indian Board, the International Cricket Council has announced it’s going to take a ‘zero tolerance approach’ to sledging, Australian cricketers favourite winter sport.

Hm, well fuck that.

“Sledging is not required in cricket. It's not good for the game." said BCCI’s secretary Niranjan Shah when originally making the proposal.

Pardon us if we beg to differ.

Now no-one’s condoning racism or hate speech or anything of the kind allegedly exchanged between Harbajan Singh and Andrew Symonds recently. However banter, provocation and the tactical use of the carefully crafted insult should be much a part of every cricketer’s armoury as any Yorker, slower ball or bouncer.

Besides, how could we deprive the world of such priceless gems as Rod Marsh’s “How your wife and my kids?” to which Ian Botham replied, “The wife’s fine, but the kids are retarded”

The equally splendid retort from Zimbabwean chicken Farmer Eddo Brandes when asked why he was so fucking fat by Australia’s Glen McGrath, “Because every time I fuck your wife, she gives me a biscuit.”

To deprive the greatest of games of such an important and it has to be said entertaining component, makes us die a little inside.

Rafa reprieved

So to the Champions League, always a favourite of ours here at World of Spurt and it was backs to the wall time for Liverpool at Anfield last night as they faced Italian maestros Inter in a clash which may have decided Rafael Benitez’s future at the club. After a managerial sacking the pundits always opine that it’s not one single result that matters, but in our experience every season reaches a tipping point which can often swing on one game.

But it's a fantastic game, with the Scousers starting brightly at tempo and Inter unbalanced by the sending off of perennial bad boy Marco Matarazzi after half an hour. Inter then dug in like ten limpets, Italian guile and exemplary defending seemingly ready to thwart the Anfielder’s ambitions.

The second half wore on without a goal and when Patrick Vierra handled in the area and it wasn’t given, it seemed like game over for Rafa. But soccerball revolves on the smallest of details and the introduction of angular goal pest Peter Crouch, an injury to stalwart defender Cordoba and the intervention of an Inter boot saw Kuyt score in the 85^th minute, while a trademark Stevie G drive sealed a memorable win for the hosts.

Still much to do at the San Siro, but Benitez will no doubt be breathing a little easier this morning