Bring back Fred?

Despite our nagging hangovers this morning, we’re cheered to think there’s just under one short week now until the summer Test calendar kicks off with the return fixture against the Kiwis and even given England’s consistent erm inconsistency recently, this is one we should win at a canter.

The young New Zealand side, is led no doubt ably by the admirable Daniel Vittori but it’s still green as asparagus and shorn of two world class players in retired ex-skipper Stephen Fleming and ICL outcast fast bowler Shane Bond.

Of course with the squad named on Sunday debate now rages about the return of the Fred, iconic England all-rounder Freddie ‘Andrew’ Flintoff who’s returned to county duties this season after a long lay off with a troublesome ankle injury.

Should he play in this first Test? Sir Beefy Botham thinks not, others like Phil DeFreitas say throw him in. Here’s our take. The Fred is at least two and possibly three world class cricketers in one (superb fast bowler, destructive middle-order bat and sure-fingered slip catcher) and England are simply not the same side without him. He’d walk straight into any XI in world cricket including the Aussies, no argument.

The fact he’s had a couple of ducks in his County games is immaterial, and we’d love to see him roar back and smear the Kiwis all over Lord’s but really, there is no need to throw him into this first Test when he could keep strengthening himself up for sterner tests like South Africa later in the summer. You can’t keep The Fred bubble wrapped forever, but there’s two more Tests against the Kiwis which would also serve as nice warm ups. Knowing The Fred he’ll probably want to play anyway.

We recently put it to a straw poll and The Fred is incidentally also the sportsman we Spurters would most like to go out on the lash with. Though frankly, given his Herculean efforts on this score in times past, we think we have to get in some serious nets before we could even contemplate it.

Good luck Fred, it is great to see you back, though, no hurry.

Zero tolerance for sledging? F*ck that you f*ckers...

To that most historic of all cricketing locations erm Dubai, where following a proposal by the Indian Board, the International Cricket Council has announced it’s going to take a ‘zero tolerance approach’ to sledging, Australian cricketers favourite winter sport.

Hm, well fuck that.

“Sledging is not required in cricket. It's not good for the game." said BCCI’s secretary Niranjan Shah when originally making the proposal.

Pardon us if we beg to differ.

Now no-one’s condoning racism or hate speech or anything of the kind allegedly exchanged between Harbajan Singh and Andrew Symonds recently. However banter, provocation and the tactical use of the carefully crafted insult should be much a part of every cricketer’s armoury as any Yorker, slower ball or bouncer.

Besides, how could we deprive the world of such priceless gems as Rod Marsh’s “How your wife and my kids?” to which Ian Botham replied, “The wife’s fine, but the kids are retarded”

The equally splendid retort from Zimbabwean chicken Farmer Eddo Brandes when asked why he was so fucking fat by Australia’s Glen McGrath, “Because every time I fuck your wife, she gives me a biscuit.”

To deprive the greatest of games of such an important and it has to be said entertaining component, makes us die a little inside.