Road to Recovery

And just like that, we’re back. Yup apologies for the break in transmission, nope we weren’t lying low to avoid Sports Council sponsored hitmen, or dodging sordid tabloid spurting revelations - and rumours that we had anything to do with organising that latest rumble in Tibet (Chinese Military 30 – unarmed Tibetan protestors 0) are absolutely wide of the mark.

Nope unfortunately the truth was - like England’s top order batsman - a touch more prosaic. It was the flu wot done it and as were lying stretched, feverish and sweaty and labouring under the influenza cosh, we could have sworn we saw England triumph in the cricket, the rugby and the Grand Prix as Lewis Hamilton took the chequered flag in Aussie land.

What’s that? Feverish hallucination? None of that actually happened? Nope? Must have been the delirium then...

Still, great news greets us on our return to what laughingly passes for sanity around these parts with news that Cricket has struck back against the evil monetary empire of the Indian Premier League with home boards now able to veto any individual player’s involvement in the IPL.

Awesome news and a real dose of much needed bulwark against the fairly pointless cash cow which was threatening the integrity of our beloved and most holy Test cricket.

It’s just what the doctor ordered.

Zero tolerance for sledging? F*ck that you f*ckers...

To that most historic of all cricketing locations erm Dubai, where following a proposal by the Indian Board, the International Cricket Council has announced it’s going to take a ‘zero tolerance approach’ to sledging, Australian cricketers favourite winter sport.

Hm, well fuck that.

“Sledging is not required in cricket. It's not good for the game." said BCCI’s secretary Niranjan Shah when originally making the proposal.

Pardon us if we beg to differ.

Now no-one’s condoning racism or hate speech or anything of the kind allegedly exchanged between Harbajan Singh and Andrew Symonds recently. However banter, provocation and the tactical use of the carefully crafted insult should be much a part of every cricketer’s armoury as any Yorker, slower ball or bouncer.

Besides, how could we deprive the world of such priceless gems as Rod Marsh’s “How your wife and my kids?” to which Ian Botham replied, “The wife’s fine, but the kids are retarded”

The equally splendid retort from Zimbabwean chicken Farmer Eddo Brandes when asked why he was so fucking fat by Australia’s Glen McGrath, “Because every time I fuck your wife, she gives me a biscuit.”

To deprive the greatest of games of such an important and it has to be said entertaining component, makes us die a little inside.