The Window

It’s Day Two in the tortuous return to working life and despite a bit of competition from the Aussie v SAF series, it’s the transfer window – which has not so much opened as been kicked asunder – which is occupying our thoughts.

Clubs and bosses may openly say they dread it, but players and agents love it, especially the current winter one where allegedly ‘no significant business is done’.

Bollocks.

For fans, the winter window is a boon during the dark days of January when thoughts turn to the loaded revolver in the drawer and the rest of the year stretches out before you like a prison sentence.

This is a time when you positively need those outrageous rumours, public hissy fits and the perennial ‘who’s going to gamble on Michael Owen’ sweepstake.

Okay so far it’s been pretty predictable stuff: with Lassan Diarra off to Real and Jermain freshly confirmed back at Spurs this lunchtime, but the rest of the month promises lots of interest and a fair amount of intrigue.

Carlos Tevez has openly rebelled at Man Utd (inadvisable), Andrei Arshavin threatening to buy out his contract to join Arsenal (huh?) and Man City have been linked to every single existing footballer on Earth (even our agent has been approached, but we’ve turned it down).

So here’s to the window: relish it, celebrate it, savour every column inch and outrageous rumour no matter how improbable. It is the stuff of which dreams (and nightmares) are made.

Unsung heroes: Fuelling the fire

A normally sedate Monday is instead anything but today, with the football transfer window being left ajar for another 24 hours, it’s a full on feeding frenzy as the midnight hour approaches.

Despite Man City being sold to the Abu Dhabi United Group after Thaksin Shinawatra looked set to fail the ‘fit and proper dictator’s test’ it’s all about transfers today with Robinho to Chelsea and Dimitar Berbatov to Man Utd. being the pick of the bunch.

Although there’s been little to no major surprises as we post this lunchtime, the last minute wheeling and dealing has an undeniably compelling car crash quality and we’re sure there’s plenty more to come.

As we scribble, clubs, chairmen, managers agents and players are all jockeying for position in a cross between Russian roulette and playground picks in a desperate attempt to placate, mollify, cajole or titillate their fans into believing their latest last minute signing is the next messiah who’ll not only rescue the club from ignominy but spearhead their ascent to the next level of football’s hierarchy.

All tosh of course, but we ask you to spare a thought for the unsung heroes of transfer deadline day, the massed ranks of taxi drivers, travel agents, hairdressers, swimming pool attendants and ex-colleague’s brother’s cousins who add fuel to the transfer fire by concocting some of the most improbable sightings since the Bigfoot photos and The Sport’s classic 'B17 Found On the Moon'.

Transfer deadline day wouldn’t be half as interesting without these stalwarts who go above and beyond the call of duty and indeed veracity to spread the most improbable and unlikely of tales which are eagerly lapped up by baying fans.

It simply wouldn’t be the same without them.

All quiet on the Spurting Front

Not too much on the spurting radar today, so we’re bottom feeding off scraps essentially and that loud grindy sound you can hear is the bottom of the barrel being not so much scraped as well and truly rubbed down and given a good sanding.

Where to begin then? Oh yes Michael Vaughan’s assertion that The Fred has ‘the X Factor’ did briefly catch our eye, but then we thought shouldn’t that be The Ramps in Strictly Come Skating on Ice’s Got Talent?

Now we’re just confused.

Perhaps we’re thinking of Who Dares Sings? Paul Collingwood could enter singing ‘Only the Lonely’?

Anyway at least there’s plenty of decent transfer footy gossip to get stuck into as the Merry Go Round not so much revolves but engages Turbo and whirls into the outer ionosphere.

It’s like the intro to the classic Soap ..... Ronaldo goes to Real, but only if they can flog Robinho to Chelsea which might in turn might release Drogba to Milan, which would set up Ronaldhino to depart for Manchester City.

Confused? You will be... up until that last one it was all starting to sound vaguely plausible.