The Two Ronnies

It’s a tale of Two Ronnies at the moment and for a change we’re spared further comment on ‘modern slave’ Cristiano and his ongoing come hither Real saga and can instead concern ourselves with the strange case of Manchester City and the Brazilian ace who never was.

Now ‘nuff respect to Man City and all that and new manager Mark ‘Sparky’ Hughes, but as we predicted way back when, it was like (and due respect to senor Fabio here too) England winning the World Cup again in our lifetime - never really likely to happen was it?

The nightspots of cold rainy Manc or the fleshpots of Milano... not too much of a tough choice for ex-golden boy Ronny either?

Of course it would have been great to see Ronny grace the Premier League, but the old Ronny, before the nightclubbing, the timber accumulation and when ‘Ronaldhino is in the gym’ actually meant he was, rather being than a metaphor for skiving training ...again.

Barca apparently aren’t entirely blameless in this either, but here’s hoping the gap-toothed former genius turns it around in Italy. At 28 he’s still relatively young and should be about to enter his playmaking prime and if he can recapture fitness, form and most importantly the desire to perform on the biggest stage, then there’s still room yet for a Ronaldhino Renaissance.

Not just for his own sake but for football’s as well.

It would be tragic indeed to see such a formidable talent prematurely pissed away. Football itself is poorer without Ronny’s unique brand of beguiling magic.

The shortest suicide note in history

Labour’s 1983 general election manifesto was famously described as ‘the longest suicide note in history’, well today we’ve discovered one of the spurting shortest.

Take a bow Crystal Palace’s 18-year-old winger Ashley-Paul Robinson, who posted details of an impending move to Fulham on his Facebook page saying “Ashley-Paul is goin fulham on monday. If I pull dis off im on dis ting.”

Ashley-Paul’s grasp on language may be rudimentary and his approach to punctuation charmingly cavalier, but his real Fail0r was to grasp the intricacy of privacy settings and his message came across loud and clear to the legions of Palace fans outside his circle of immediate friends.

Palace boss Neil Warnock was flinty hearted in his response saying, “We feel it’s probably better if he looks elsewhere to further his career.”

It’s believed Ashley-Paul’s change of status message to the rather contrite ‘Ashley Paul has been very naughty lol’ is unlikely to win him a reprieve .

Elsewhere filed under Tales of the Bleeding Obvious, gap toothed former wonder footballer Ronaldhino has given his strongest hint yet via former Brazilian legend Dunga that he’ll be eschewing the delights of Man City for AC Milan.

Well quelle-friggin-surprise.

Ron’s revenge! parts 1 & 2

Well it’s been a magnificent weekend of sporting spurt, encompassing not only the nag ride of the year, the Grand National (come on Red Rum! Oh bugger), two excellent FA cup semi-finals which saw Portsmouth and Cardiff triumph, but the Bahrain Grand Prix in which Lewis Hamilton proved he is human after all by engaging anti-stall on the grid and then shunting his ol' best mate Ferdinand Alonso.

Even our beloved and mighty Hornets shocked us by registering a 2-1 home win. Wonders will never cease.

Enough ripe material to author several spurting essays you might think, and indeed that would normally be the case if we hadn’t come across two stories this weekend that simply would not be denied. Both concerning men called Ron.

First up washed up,show pony erm outrageously skilled Brazilian playmaker Ronaldinho apparently fancies a move away from Barcelona this summer and one of his potential destinations? Manchester City. Laugh? We almost shat ourselves.

Stranger things have happened undoubtedly - Jay Jay Ochoca hearing the voice of god which directed him to join Hull City for one - but we’re hard pressed to think why Ronny might forsake the Catalan giants or indeed the old folks retirement home which Milan’s become for the dubious delights of Manc? Unlikely doesn’t quite seem to cover it.

Perhaps Sven ‘shagger’ Eirikson has a secret weapon up his sleeve to lure the buck toothed footballing genius and we can only think it’s his very own little black book replete with the mobile numbers of impressionable ladies which might be added to the deal as a sweetener. Even Ronny, who apparently lives with his ol’ mum (bless), might find such a of carnal knowledge difficult to resist.

Secondly Max is back! Back on the front page of the News of the World that is in more Nazi Orgy action as the F1 boss is done up like a kipper by one of the five girls who participated in his NAZI ORGY SHAME. This one looks set to run and run and hoorah for that too, it really is comedy gold. It's the story that just keeps on giving.

However a delicious theory was posited to us over the weekend by a fellow F1 fan that Max’s downfall and this scandalous - and we have to say in case the lawyers are watching - completely unsubstantiated rumour is actually the revenge of Ron... Ron Dennis. His theory? Max Mosely pissed the McLaren boss off one too many times and this is case of Ron’s revenge not so much served cold but at absolute zero.

Completely ahem false obviously, but sometimes you just wish these things were true.