Ron’s revenge! parts 1 & 2

Well it’s been a magnificent weekend of sporting spurt, encompassing not only the nag ride of the year, the Grand National (come on Red Rum! Oh bugger), two excellent FA cup semi-finals which saw Portsmouth and Cardiff triumph, but the Bahrain Grand Prix in which Lewis Hamilton proved he is human after all by engaging anti-stall on the grid and then shunting his ol' best mate Ferdinand Alonso.

Even our beloved and mighty Hornets shocked us by registering a 2-1 home win. Wonders will never cease.

Enough ripe material to author several spurting essays you might think, and indeed that would normally be the case if we hadn’t come across two stories this weekend that simply would not be denied. Both concerning men called Ron.

First up washed up,show pony erm outrageously skilled Brazilian playmaker Ronaldinho apparently fancies a move away from Barcelona this summer and one of his potential destinations? Manchester City. Laugh? We almost shat ourselves.

Stranger things have happened undoubtedly - Jay Jay Ochoca hearing the voice of god which directed him to join Hull City for one - but we’re hard pressed to think why Ronny might forsake the Catalan giants or indeed the old folks retirement home which Milan’s become for the dubious delights of Manc? Unlikely doesn’t quite seem to cover it.

Perhaps Sven ‘shagger’ Eirikson has a secret weapon up his sleeve to lure the buck toothed footballing genius and we can only think it’s his very own little black book replete with the mobile numbers of impressionable ladies which might be added to the deal as a sweetener. Even Ronny, who apparently lives with his ol’ mum (bless), might find such a of carnal knowledge difficult to resist.

Secondly Max is back! Back on the front page of the News of the World that is in more Nazi Orgy action as the F1 boss is done up like a kipper by one of the five girls who participated in his NAZI ORGY SHAME. This one looks set to run and run and hoorah for that too, it really is comedy gold. It's the story that just keeps on giving.

However a delicious theory was posited to us over the weekend by a fellow F1 fan that Max’s downfall and this scandalous - and we have to say in case the lawyers are watching - completely unsubstantiated rumour is actually the revenge of Ron... Ron Dennis. His theory? Max Mosely pissed the McLaren boss off one too many times and this is case of Ron’s revenge not so much served cold but at absolute zero.

Completely ahem false obviously, but sometimes you just wish these things were true.