Sour grapes

Another awesome morning for Team GB as Chris Hoy and Victoria Pendleton nab another couple of Golds in the Sprint finals for the all-conquering Cyclists.

Imagine when Normo Tebbs told Britain to get on its bike back in our last recession he didn’t exactly have this in mind. Wiggins, Pendleton and especially triple gold medallist and flying Scot Chris Hoy, the Spurt salutes you...

All this Gold medal success has come as a bit of surprise to us normally unassuming Brits but also to insouciant professional Frenchman and occasional Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger, who professes himself surprised at Team GB’s swimming success.

"I didn't know the English were good at swimming, I have been in this country for 12 years and I haven't seen a swimming pool," says Arsene.

Blimey no wonder they’re known colloquially as the smelly French, wonder how long it’ll be before he tracks down a bath or shower? Or checks the medal table? France a lowly 11th as we type.

Anyway those sour grapes shouldn’t disguise Team GB’s real goal of the games.

Forget that 41 medals target, our real goal is to finish ahead of those friggin’ Aussies.

Not only would it get one in before the Ashes, but earning four years worth of bragging rights, now that would be sweet.

They’ll be serving us a lot of drinks between now and then.

Euro 2008: Too. Much. Football.

Can you have too much of a good thing? Try telling that to the man currently turking Angelina Jolie I guess (hey Brad!), but with the prospect of Spain versus Greece and Russia v Sweden tonight, you know, we’re seriously starting to wonder.

But first to business and last night’s Euro 2008 action which promised to be one of the most enthralling of contests, but actually turned out to be a bit of damp squid (the chav’s version of a damp squib).

As long suffering readers will know, we’re not exactly the biggest fans of France, nothing personal, but ooh la, la sacre bleu and all that they actually achieved what we thought was the impossible last night, in that we started to feel more than a little sorry for them.

Ribery crocking himself royally within the first 15 minutes, Eric Abidal off within 25, the only bright spot was Luca Toni who couldn’t have finished a sentence... but eventually the Italians via Henry’s boot applied the coup de grace.

And Romania too? Outplayed by Holland’s ‘bitter and twisted’ benchwarmers...

So we have to say we’re not exactly enthralled at tonight’s prospects. Why does that feel right, when it should feel soooo wrong?

Euro 2008: Last Man Standing

And so to the biggest game of the week and a chance to see not just one but possibly both of the World Cup finalists eliminated on the very same night.

While the frenzy of permutations in last night’s Group B game was enough to give statisticians a semi of their own, tonight it’s quite simple, whether it's France or Italy who win, they could both lose if a weakened Holland are overcome by the Romanians.

But should the Dutch deliberately lose this game thus eliminating two deadly rivals, one of whom they may face again in the semi? You just know if France or Italy spawn their way through, they’ll get some belief back, pick up momentum and probably go on to win it.

The Dutch will play their second string for sure, but they certainly won’t go so far as to hand Romania victory, even if it’s ultimately in their own self interest.

Or will they? We Spurters would kick ‘em while they’re down, but the Oranje may just be too sporting and nice to have truck with that kind of malarkey.

Both games are going to be fascinating to watch in oh-so-many many ways.

The seven deadly sporting sins...

Intriguing news from that bastion of sanity and probity the Vatican, with a hilarious recent updating of the seven deadly sins.

Out go old stalwarts like sloth, gluttony and (our personal favourite) lust and in come polluting the planet, eating dairy and having your iPod on too loud on public transport (note. we may have made those up, because we couldn’t be bothered to actually read anything the Pope says).

But it did get us all of a ponder... surely there must be some mileage in a seven deadly sporting sins?

And sure enough, there was...

Drugs
The idea of competitive sport is to pit your natural skills, wit and abilities to outwit or defeat your opponent. Chemically enhancing your chances is a no-no. Otherwise you’ll be said to have ‘Done a Dwayne’ and your profile will be measured in Chambers, the new official unit of sporting unpopularity.

Bribery
If you can’t win by fair means... bung the umpire a few quid or a couple of hookers and suddenly all the fifty-fifty decisions start coming your way. You’ll probably get caught eventually of course, but if it’s good enough for Serie A...

Knobbling
We don’t mean a little bit of jiggery pokery which is fair enough, like getting the West Indies so pissed on the black stuff on the night before that they were 25 All Out against Ireland in 1969. Nope, we mean deliberately knobbling or kicking the shit out of a opponent. Naughty, naughty.

Bad losers
You got beat, get over it. Yup, the weather/pitch condition/planetary alignment/referee or opposition’s skill level just proved too much on the day. Get on with it and stop whining. Ferguson, Wenger we’re looking at you.

Arrogance
Yeah you might have won everything under the sun, be three times undisputed champ and a multiple award winner. Hell you might have even won the biggest one all, BBC Sports personality of the year (cough) but a touch of humility wouldn’t go amiss alright?

Punditry
Nothing wrong with some good honest punditry per se, but the ‘Not as Good/Tough/ Hard/Competitive/Skilful or Difficult as it was in my day’ brigade can piss right off. So can the TV execs who keep hiring them. Note: We’re still available TV land.

Being French/Australian
Probably the most unforgivable sporting sin of all...