Rafa’s Rants part 1

In what’s sure to just the first instalment of an ongoing series, today we pay tribute to Liverpool boss Rafa ‘Town Crier’ Benitez, who’s launched a pre-emptive strike against Fergie and his Red Devil minions in the very first chapter of The Gospel According To Rafa.

The substance we won’t get into, although it has to be said Fergie does appear to enjoy a certain protected heritage status when it comes to pronouncements of his own - and you wouldn't be human if you didn't have a sly giggle at the notion of man-marking the United staff in the tunnel.

Would you favour man to man or zonal Rafa?

Yet it’s the style which concerns us most. Rafa’s undoubtedly been niggled by a few of Fergie’s canny ‘casual’ asides, but why choose last week to retaliate when the Scousers were sitting pretty at the top of the table?

Just like the US, we’re all for launching a pre-emptive strike, ie. get your retaliation in before the other guy even knows he’s at war, but on this occasion has Rafa gone way too early?

In other tales of dark doings we have to pose the question is Maradona a secret Fergie agent?

Apparently the pint-sized Argentinean supremo interrupted his orgy of cocaine and hookers as he lit a cigar at the Radisson Edwardian in Manc-town, causing the entire hotel including the Chelsea squad to be rousted out and evacuated in the early-ish hours of Sunday morning.

Hardly the best preparation for their 3-0 shooing by United yesterday.

Perhaps there’s something in Rafa’s rants after all?

We do not forgive or forget...

Of all our distasteful, disgraceful and possibly downright illegal habits, a long standing though now regretfully lapsed addiction to Star Trek is probably just about amongst the most publishable.

We only mention this in passing by way of a sprawling intro because a splendid Klingon phrase sprang unbidden into our minds this morning when we read of Terry Butcher’s long standing grudge against former Argentinean 'great' Diego Maradona.

‘We do not forgive ...or forget’ (This should be uttered in a sinister sibilant hiss as if you intend to visit unspecified but extremely unpleasant future violence upon your subject).

To set the scene: Butcher’s now assistant manager for the Sweaties and Maradona is of course the new coach of Argentina, but Blood ‘n Thunder Butcher will apparently refuse to shake Diego’s hand following tomorrow night’s friendly at Hampden.

Quite right too. Butcher’s is a rare voice of reason amongst all the sycophantic ex-pros currently queuing up to hail the ‘world’s greatest playerTM’, who is in fact the 'world’s greatest fucking cheatTM'

As you can guess we still haven’t forgiven or forgotten ‘Dirty’ Diego either for his Hand of God cuntishness which cheated Argentina through the quarter-finals all those years ago.

He may have been a brilliant player, but no one deserves the label ‘All Time Great’ if they’re such a cheating twat. Besides who’s such a tight arse that they give a kid their hat and gloves as a reward when he finds one of their player’s missing gold pendants?

Rubbish.

It is or at least it should be every spurter’s acknowledged right to hold a life long and unreasoning grudge against whomsoever they choose and we’re coming out firmly in support of Butcher as we continue to tenderly nurse our own long standing grievance against the world’s greatest footballing cheat even - after all these years.