Bongs away

Hats and indeed bongs off to human dolphin Michael Phelps Beijing Olympic darling and lest we forget, eight times gold medallist, who’s been News-of-the-World-ed (ie. resolutely, routinely and royally fucked) by the erm premier British scandal sheet.

While the Screws always a distinctly unpleasant aftertaste in the mouth, there’s no denying it has more scoops than Baskin Robins and always gets its man (and its story).

Phelps caught sucking on a bong the size of a large oboe has been caught green-handed and despite not admitting that it was stuffed to the brim with prime reefer (why else would you be toking on it?), most discerning viewers will realise that it had more skunk than Louisiana home cooking.

Phelps said: “I engaged in behaviour which was regrettable and demonstrated bad judgement. I’m 23 years old and despite the successes I’ve had in the pool, I acted in a youthful and inappropriate way, not in a manner people have come to expect from me. For this, I am sorry. I promise my fans and the public it will not happen again.”

Our advice? Keep on toking Michael, if you can win eight Golds doing that stuff in the off season, if you go completely drug free no one else will have a sniff.