Whale Stopped Play

Like putting a mercy bullet through the skull of a long-treasured though now doubly incontinent family pet, it almost breaks our heart to do it, but even we have to admit (through gritted teeth) that Cristiano Ronaldo fully deserves the Ballon D’Or as he was named European footballer of the year yesterday.

Ronnie chose to celebrate with an unaccustomed slice of humble pie, saying it was the greatest day of his life (what even more than that threesome with those disco sluts?), and the Ronster concluded ‘Those who know me, who live with me, know that this is finally a dream come true for me. ...Winning this trophy .... I dreamed about it as a kid.'

Fair enough, the Ronster deserves his plaudits for last season, less so though Jorge Mendes his agent, who’s apparently seized the day to inform Inter that Ronnie might be up for playing for them under the Special One, Jose Mourninho. Undoubtedly it’s a none-to-subtle ploy, to raise the Ronster’s weekly wage from the paucity of a credit crunching 120k a week to a more recession-busting 150k.

We actually went to Milan once, for an F1 track day and we have to say the city, never mind the changing room didn’t seem big enough to accommodate both of those ginormous, surging egos.

Elsewhere to the hitherto unexplored world of sailing a bit of a departure for your spurt but what the fuck we'll go anywhere in search of a good gag (not that we often find one).

Now to the business and we’ve heard some sporting excuses in our time but few to possibly rival ‘whale stopped play.’

Okay we exaggerate a little for effect but Britain’s Jonny Malbon has just such an excuse in the Vendee Globe after his 60ft Artemis smacked one such unfortunate cetacean as it gambolled innocently through the ocean spume.
“I could clearly see the animal astern in a lot of trouble,’ admitted Malbon.

Not half as much trouble as if Greenpeace get to hear about it Jonny. They've got angry little boats and everything.

Still, probably worth it for 'Whale stopped play'. That is to one to put down for a fireside chat with the granddkids.