As a contest it had everything, two elite teams at the top of their game, evenly matched, with a glittering array of expensively assembled talent and barely a fag paper to choose between them in terms of skill, quality and commitment. In the end it all came down to an epic shoot out which ended in tears before bedtime...But enough about our pre-final multiplayer game of Cops ‘n Robbers on Grand Theft Auto IV... and on to the Champions League final itself, a tasty cream-filled uber high calorie dessert which provided a gorgefest of quality football to round off the season in a most agreeable style.
For the neutral it was a veritable feast of football: Man Utd dominate the first half, Ronaldo’s goal, Cech’s amazing double save (and equally amazing orange kit), Lamp’s improbable emotional equaliser; but the second half was nearly all Chelski, United hanging on at times, Drogba striking the post then Terry denying Giggs with a timely header
Extra time can’t choose between them, United had their chances, Lamps hit the bar, then Drogba stupidly getting sent off for a tiny slap. “Wasn’t it? Isn’t it? Didn’t they?” The oh-so-immortal words of Ron Manager have never rung truer.
Onto penalties: course it’s the cruellest way to decide, that’s the whole point, but seeing the Chelsea heartbreak and poor old JT blubbing like a newborn, we decided to bend our collective intellect to overcoming the problem and in the course of five minutes pondering over a couple of glasses of an agreeable red, we’ve come up with a solution which has baffled the combined genius of all of FIFA and UEFA’s merry minions.
Jesus we’re good, are you ready? Here goes:
At the end of Extra Time the contest goes to sudden death, golden goals or next goal wins whatever you’d like to call it. However, as the clock ticks down every 4 minutes each player loses one man from their defence, starting with the goalkeeper, until it’s down to six a side and just the midfielders and attackers!
It wuld be teh awesomez way ot decidz!
So put that in your pipe monsieur Platini and tell us you like the taste of that tobacco!
They say there’s a thin line between genius and not, but hey, we just write ‘em, ultimately it’s up to you, the readers to decide...
Today’s Spurt was watered by a billionaire’s tears and powered by the smug satisfaction of a million United fans
1 comment:
After extra time I would suggest penalties.
Manager on Manager.
Would Sir Alex's bright Red Nose dazzle and distract Avram, or would Avram's bulk leave nowhere for Alex to place the ball.
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