Euro 2008: The Reign of Spain

We know we’ve been a bit slack on the posting front lately, but waddya want from us? Check that post count on the right, it’s a record month so enough with the guilt trips already.

Ahem, but now onto more serious business and last night’s Spain v Germany Euro 2008 final of which we can all agree that football was the winner, a shift in the European power base may be happening and that Spain, one of the most attractive teams in the tournament, finally got their just desserts.

And a million other such worthy platitudes.

Further observations? ...Yup we’ve got a couple, Spain were undoubtedly the better team on the night, pleasing on the eye throughout and perhaps should have scored even more. However the first ten minutes were nervous times and required a subtle tactical switch to stop Germany rampaging down the left. Also had David Villa been sent off for that mini-butt (induced by Lukas Podolski who should also have gone off) it might have been a whole different story.

But here’s the key moment for us and where the Spanish won it. Football is all about momentum and just after the hour mark a mini-German revival threatened to put Spain under the cosh and a goal against them then might have raised all the old doubts and shifted the balance of power in the game. An equaliser would surely have tested Spain’s both resolve and their nerve to the utmost.

However Luis Aragones' made key substitutions to snuff out that revival, Spain found their rhythm, German heads went down again and the rest is history. Aragones’ decisions as much as any player on the pitch actually won this tournament for the Spanish and he will undoubtedly be made a living (if slightly racist) saint for his trouble.

Still we couldn’t say farewell to Euro 2008 (one of the finest tournaments in living memory) without a final word from ‘Angry’ Jens Lehman. Now Jens is a man of strong convictions, convictions which often fly in the face of reality, but strong ones nonetheless.

As the collective Spanish hangover began and the German tears were finally drying, Jens (who'd even give the Aussies a run for their money in a bad loser bellyache- off), was straight into full on rant-a-quote mode blaming Deutschland’s defeat on the man in black:

“What was disappointing in my opinion was the performance of the referee, who didn't really fancy us Germans.” Herr Lehman managed to follow that up with the rather surreal, “I'm not the kind of person to blame other people.”

It’s not clear whether this represents the barmy shot stopper’s final tourney or indeed his parting shot for international football, but we urge you, Jens, don’t retire, we’d miss those crazy quotes far too much.

Euro 2008: Semi-Final Turkey v Germany

Wednesday sees us enjoying the delights of the West Country and the final leg of our training course in Bath in which we learn best how to push our employees’ buttons.

But and after a hard day on the train, Turkey versus Germany looms and so it's immediately out on the lash with Cagey and the Donfather, two sales reprobates of our long-standing acquaintance.

Sticking to bog standard cooking lager ensures things don't get overly messy but we work our smoothly through a couple of local hostelries before settling in to the Pig and Whistle, and a very fine night ensues – with the traditional banter heavy on our receding hairlines/shortness/fatness/gayness and the now compulsory filching of a mobile phone to send ‘I’ve something to tell you, I'm coming out of the closet’ text messages to all of Cagey’s contacts.

The tavern is packed with a small but vocal contingent of Turkish fans and naturally we’re empathizing with the underdogs. But the match kicks off and the form book goes out of the window as the depleted Turks totally outplay Germany in the first half, and only Schweinsteiger's superbly deft goal keeps the Germans in it. The Turks give them a right old battering.

But things return to form in the second half and almost inevitably the Germans go ahead late on as reserve goalkeeper Rustu goes madly off piste and it looks like the Germans have stolen it.

Suddenly the Turks pull their Stalagluft 17 routine again and Semih equalizes and it looks for all the world as if they'll take it to extra time. But the Germans to mine a cliché are clinical and Lahm's late winner sinks a valiant effort and there’s disbelief and bitter and twisted disappointment not only on the streets of Istanbul but here in Bath as well.

The Turkish supporters leave more deflated than a week old kid’s balloon, but their spirited run to the last four on a wing and a prayer have done the Turks a world of credit and their Great Escapes have enriched the tournament. Fateh Terim’s side should take great heart from this performance having failed to ever qualify for a finals ever before.

This was just one game too far for the Turks, but one of the best ever semi-finals, breathless, entertaining and thrilling.

Playing Catch Up

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Euro 2008: Russia v Sweden

Okay so we’re not afraid to admit we get it wrong occasionally. But much against our better judgement we did tune in last night only to find the Russians a team reborn and reignited by the return of Andrei Arshavin.

The Reds disposed of the hapless Swedes with much aplomb and it was not so much the defeat, but the manner of it which really caught the eye, with the Russians surging forward in numbers and at times, absolutely swamping the Swedish defence.

It really was the most one-sided encounter and a quarter final with Holland looms which should prove to be a sumptuous feast of attacking delights. (Just watch it become a nil-nil bore-a-thon after that hot tip).

But while Arshavin pulled the strings on the field, behind the scenes of course the chief mover is the redoubtable Gus Hiddink who pound for pound must surely rank as one of the top five managers in the world. His record in World Cups is exceptional and he’s really getting the best of out of this talented but previously un-fancied team (and incidentally nailing once and for all the myth that England really deserve to be there).

Elsewhere just to prove that every ounce of compassion hasn't been wrung from our cynical hearts, we send a message of solidarity to the four England rugby players who are being questioned in NZ over an alleged ‘incident’ in a hotel room.

The sheep, (or personal entertainment system, as it’s known In NZ) concerned has apparently declined to make a complaint, but sources close to the ovis aries involved said, “Baaaaaaa, one hotel room, four rugger buggers, she knew she was in for a good shearing.”

Euro 2008: Too. Much. Football.

Can you have too much of a good thing? Try telling that to the man currently turking Angelina Jolie I guess (hey Brad!), but with the prospect of Spain versus Greece and Russia v Sweden tonight, you know, we’re seriously starting to wonder.

But first to business and last night’s Euro 2008 action which promised to be one of the most enthralling of contests, but actually turned out to be a bit of damp squid (the chav’s version of a damp squib).

As long suffering readers will know, we’re not exactly the biggest fans of France, nothing personal, but ooh la, la sacre bleu and all that they actually achieved what we thought was the impossible last night, in that we started to feel more than a little sorry for them.

Ribery crocking himself royally within the first 15 minutes, Eric Abidal off within 25, the only bright spot was Luca Toni who couldn’t have finished a sentence... but eventually the Italians via Henry’s boot applied the coup de grace.

And Romania too? Outplayed by Holland’s ‘bitter and twisted’ benchwarmers...

So we have to say we’re not exactly enthralled at tonight’s prospects. Why does that feel right, when it should feel soooo wrong?

Euro 2008: Last Man Standing

And so to the biggest game of the week and a chance to see not just one but possibly both of the World Cup finalists eliminated on the very same night.

While the frenzy of permutations in last night’s Group B game was enough to give statisticians a semi of their own, tonight it’s quite simple, whether it's France or Italy who win, they could both lose if a weakened Holland are overcome by the Romanians.

But should the Dutch deliberately lose this game thus eliminating two deadly rivals, one of whom they may face again in the semi? You just know if France or Italy spawn their way through, they’ll get some belief back, pick up momentum and probably go on to win it.

The Dutch will play their second string for sure, but they certainly won’t go so far as to hand Romania victory, even if it’s ultimately in their own self interest.

Or will they? We Spurters would kick ‘em while they’re down, but the Oranje may just be too sporting and nice to have truck with that kind of malarkey.

Both games are going to be fascinating to watch in oh-so-many many ways.

Euro 2008: Cheat Your Way Out of That Then

The Euro 2008 group stages have thrown up some cracking final games, so far I am still laughing at the prospect of Austria v Germany where only one can go through. I can imagine the odd party in Algeria after this one as well ...

In 1982 West Germany and Austria played out possibly the most fixed World Cup game ever. After Algeria had beaten West Germany 2-1 in the first group game, lost to Austria 2-0 and then beaten Chile 3-2 in their final group game, they were left second in the group - behind Austria - with four points. (Ah, those heady days of two points for a win and non-simultaneous final group games.) West Germany trailed in third place with two points, with their final group game against Austria due to be played the following day.

A West German win by 1 or 2 goals would qualify WG and Austria, while a German victory by a bigger margin would qualify Algeria over Austria, and a draw or an Austrian win would eliminate the Germans. (Try to keep up!)

West Germany duly attacked like hell for ten minutes, scored, and then both teams kicked the ball around for another 80 minutes in the most obviously fixed match ever seen (to this day!)

Algerian supporters waved banknotes at the players. The Spanish crowd hurled abuse, and one German fan was so distressed by the performance he burnt his German flag.

As a result of the game - actually as a result of the reaction to the game, you know what Blatter's like - FIFA changed their regulations so that the final group games are always played simultaneously.

Group B Final Games, 7.45pm Sunday 15th June:

• Poland v Croatia
• Austria v Germany

Croatia are through already. Germany and Austria need to beat each other to go through. I think Poland are out whichever way you look at it, but I'm out of time now and want to go to the cafe, so that's left as an exercise to the reader...

Euro 2008: Frogs spanked Word of the Day part deux

Euro 2008 Word of the Day, we liked yesterday’s effort so much we’re going to do it all over again aujourd'hui, so welcome as they say, to part deux.

So today’s word (pause for drum roll) is Hubris an elegant word naturellement and coming from the Greek (though it could be Francais) meaning ‘ill deserved arrogance or pride, misplaced self confidence, a misguided conviction in one’s own qualities which is rapidly proved to be patently untrue.’

In a footballing sense meaning ‘an over dependence on ageing étoiles, who are past their peak, au-delà leur meilleur.’

So hubris, World of Spurt’s Euro 2008 Word of the Day.

Why should that be relevant today?

No reason, just saying…

Euro 2008: Krauts tonked Word of the Day part Eins

Schadenfreude:– A German word meaning ‘unfeigned glee or sheer delight in the misfortunes of others’. Those clever Germans they have a word for everything don’t they?

Perhaps it shows up the failings of our own poor sorry excuse for a language, the one with which Shakespeare, Milton and Tennyson just had to make do and muck on through, but surely it’s a bit of an omission when we don’t have a handy single word to sum up and encapsulate our overwhelming feelings on this sunny Friday morning.

So ladies and gentlemen we give you the World of Spurt’s new Euro 2008 word of the Day, the splendid ‘Schadenfreude’.

Why should that be particularly relevant?

No particular reason, just saying.

Euro 2008: Reaches a new low Greece vs Sweden

To Euro 2008 again and now we’ve had a chance to see every team in the tournament display its wares, we’ve got to say Holland, Portugal, Spain and inevitably Germany are looking mighty good.

Them’s the heights, but now beloved reader the depths: to wit Greece versus Sweden a game so tedious we simply lost the will to live at half time and tucked into the first two episodes of Battlestar Galactica Season 2 instead.

Now we still have to pinch ourselves to believe Greece are the holders and the we aren’t still on the crack, but at least the 2004 vintage was built on recognisable if unspectacular virtues, packing the box at set pieces and displaying a defensive attitude which would put the 300 to shame

Last night however, they were just plain annoying passing the ball endlessly around the back three to run down the clock and THIS WAS IN THE FIRST HALF.

But lo the gods of football looked down from Olympus and displayed their wrath, rightly punishing the Greeks for crimes against the game and allowing Zlatan Ibrahimovic to unleash his own wondrous thunderbolt and win it for the Swedes.

Justice was served, everyone was happy, well obviously not the Greeks, but they weren’t exactly bearing footballing gifts anyway.*

*Like most sportswriters we are contractually obliged to include the old ‘Greeks bearing gifts’ cliché, in this case due to a new sponsorship deal with Harry’s Humous. The finest Humous this side of the Acropolis!

Euro 2008: Dutch Masters subdue Italian Stallions

The Euros finally sprung into action last night with a quality encounter between the Netherlands and Italy which finally ended the rather sluggish start to the tournament

3-0 to the Dutch masters and who’d have predicted that before the game?

Van the man’s opener? Controversial yes and almost certainly offside by most conventional definitions, except the chief of the referees committee Keith Hackett obviously.

After that Sneider’s breakaway strike for the second was truly one of the great team goals with van Bronckhorst clearing off his own line, the ball moving fluidly to the other end of the park and in the back of the net before the Italians react. One to add to Van Bastan’s classic against Russia in the annals of great Euro goals.

You have to feel sorry for Italy who actually played okay and went close a couple of times, but truly the force was with Holland and they could do no wrong.

Hep Hep Nederland!

Early contender for worst innovation of the tournament so far? Nope not the entire Match of the Day studio panel or indeed ITVs title sequence but undoubtedly the BBC's virtual goaliser or whatever the feck they call it. Utterly pointless: when you can get all the goals on the I-player replay anyway and it looks like a poor man’s FIFA 98.

Worst use of the license fee evah! It’s a good job we don’t bother paying the bast...

Ahem night all.

Enger-land pt. 2

Sunday is normally considered a day of rest (and not just for the Trinidad and Tobago back four), so it was a touch unusual to find ourselves tuning in at 10.30pm last night to catch England’s ahem epic finale to the international season.

Reader, it wasn’t quite as we’d originally dreamed it, with JT lifting the European championship trophy to be followed by wide acclaim and nationwide domestic rioting, but instead a piss poor friendly which had so little nutritional content, it might have crawled straight out of Sainsbury’s Back to Basics budget range.

Yup we know it was all about the politics and now we’ve fed the ego of T&T’s Jack Warner, he might vote for us in the second round for the 2018 finals (or not, who’s going to make him, now we’ve played the fixture?).

But really this was of pretty much zero interest with the T&T boys giving the England midfield so much time and space they might have been fielding eleven Doctor Whos.

Now we’ll watch pretty any much football on TV (barring the ladies of course) but this was so one-side even we were forced to call it quits and retreat to bed at half time, like a disinterested dogger who’s suddenly found the windows are far too steamed up to appreciate the action.

On this evidence thank god it’s all over for another season and there’s not a big tournament to occupy our thoughts during this long and hopefully extremely hot summer

...oh wait.

Bile and invective

Down here at the fag end of the footy season things are starting to warm up – and we don’t mean Watford’s vital game against Hull tonight (come on you Horns!) or indeed Rangers UEFA cup clash with Zenit St Petersburg.

No, when we mention warm up, we’re actually talking about the bubbling primal rage and our blood literally boiling at the news that new BBC pundit Steve McLaren will make his commentary debut tonight, prior to being one of the analysts on this summer’s Euro 2008 duties.

Now when McLaren led England, if it can be called led, we didn’t exactly blame him. Yup he was shit, tactically inept, allegedly in the thrall of his senior players and one of the worst England managers ever, but if we’d been offered that role on those terms even we’d have snapped it up.

Nope we were content to vent our bile and invective on the blazers at the FA for making such a hash of hiring big Phil and eventually settling for the second, third or fifth best, god knows whatever number McLaren actually was on the list.

However now we feel we’ve got a legitimate beef. Surely that huge payoff was enough and McLaren should have disappeared quietly for a while to contemplate his future, not suddenly popping up as a rent-a-quote for the very tournament for which he failed to qualify.

And, we have to ask what BBC fucktard hired him? What insights will he have into the teams which did actually qualify for Europe? Wouldn’t they have been more useful at the time?

This is not so much rubbing salt into a very raw wound but tipping buckets of the stuff into a bloody seeping gash.

Sometimes our wrists just seem to slit themselves.